Birthday Blog Post No. 6

We're halfway through our series of guest blog posts to celebrate The Cool Rule Company's first birthday . . . and today's guest is somebody who continues to inspire the ethos and philosophy of everything The Cool Rule Company does. Introducing Elaine Young, a mindfulness and meditation extraordinaire - enjoy!



Hi Cool Rulers

I’m Elaine Young, and I’m a Mum, Granny and Mindfulness teacher.  I know that parents and children need all the help they can get to make the process of teaching and learning an adventure, something more than a series of achievements, do’s, don’ts, rights and wrongs.  That’s why I’m delighted to offer The Cool Rule Company a big high five on reaching its first birthday!

Elaine with her granddaughter, Lyla

I met Abi and I met a while ago, when she attended a mindfulness course, and I was thrilled when she got in touch, some time later, to tell me she’d ventured into business.  From what I’d experienced of her, I guessed the business would be lively, creative, imaginative, and practical. I was right!

What I love about Abi’s work (whether it be the Cool Rule products, the fun and lively Facebook page, her blogs and stories) is the honesty and humour, the down to earth look at what it’s really like to be a parent, and the optimism and practicality it offers as a response. Abi admits its not easy bringing up Big and Little Tot, but through The Cool Rule products, she offers a way of working with the challenges in an upbeat and practical way.  Rather than a list of “must do’s”, she helps us to collaborate with our children, to become allies in the process of learning and growing. Cool Rules are built on fun, creativity and togetherness.

Some pages from Big Tot's Cool Rule Book

My granddaughter, Lyla (two and a half) suggests what should go into her Cool Rule Book.  She loves having photos taken specially, and quotes from it too, occasionally advising her friends on how to behave! Lyla is great fun, and like every child of her age, she’s no stranger to the odd stormy moment. The Cool Rule Book (and a grown up who stays calm and doesn’t take it personally) can act as an anchor for her when the water gets a bit choppy.

Lyla sitting beautifully for a haircut and celebrating her tidying up skills!

Since 2008, I’ve been studying and teaching mindfulness and stress reduction, and now provide courses in Tyneside, Northumberland and Durham. Having set up and co-run two successful social enterprises in the past (Team Fostering and Living Mindfully- both still growing businesses) I’ve recently decided to downsize, to spend more time with family and friends (and myself) and still do the work I love. 

So I’m now a sole trader, working under the banner of Mindfulness on the Tyne, offering mindfulness based training and mentoring to a range of clients. It’s an authentic expression of my values, of where I am in my life right now, just as parenting and running companies was where I was right then.  I’ve learned that life flows and everything changes, and so do we.

Elaine's latest venture

Mindfulness is a way of living a life that isn’t dependent on everything being easy or pleasant; of accepting that there will be difficulties, and celebrating the joys. Being in the present moment (rather than in the fantasy world of worry or recollections of past mistakes or misdemeanours) helps us to develop a sense of being okay, even when what’s going on in and around us feels chaotic or unbalanced. For parents of young children, that’s probably a lot of the time! One of my favourite quotations is “Everything is a mess, all is well!” and I was delighted at a recent retreat when a Mum told me how much more she has relaxed around her children since learning some basic mindfulness.

I love helping parents to practise with their children, and the Cool Rules encourage that too, by encouraging them to be engaged, to share, to negotiate and to work together. Marvellous!

Thanks Elaine! I'm so pleased Lyla is enjoying her Cool Rule Book and thank you so much for inspiring me in the development of all of the Cool Rule products.

If you'd like to find out more about Elaine's work in mindfulness and how you might be able to get involved, please use the links below:

mindfulnessonthetyne.co.uk
facebook.com/MindfulnessOnTheTyne

If you're intrigued by The Cool Rule Company's amazing approach to happy family living, check out our website, thecoolrulecompany.co.uk and don't forget to 'like' us on Facebook to keep up to date with antics from Big Tot and Little Tot as well as all our ace competitions, freebies and special offers.

Secret Tactics

So the other day I was casually flipping through the family calendar when I realised something that made me very cross. I realised that if you count the days from when Big Tot had his last day at nursery right up to when he starts going to 'big' school he is actually off for seven, not the widely presumed six, weeks for summer.

Seven weeks. That's forty-nine days. And that was enough to make me feel momentarily sick. It was a proper lump-in-the-throat, rapid-heart-beating, fiery cheeks kind of moment. How was I supposed to keep this going for seven weeks? No holidays planned. A dwindling overdraft. Two Tots expecting near miracles from me every single day for forty nine days? How could I find a number for the complaints hotline at the local education authority?

I peered into the living room at the Tots. Big Tot was lying under a blanket on the sofa playing with an electronic alphabet game and making loud, over-enthusiastic vowel sounds. Little Tot was making a dash for it into the garden of delights. Those delights being muck, muck, water and muck. Truth be known, they didn't seem to having such a bad time.

But what about me? Am I having such a bad time? Apart from my reaction to the the six week cover-up scandal, Is my summer really going that badly? Of course it isn't. Here I am, lucky enough to have a huge wedge of quality time to spend with my Tots, and a new business I can weave around full-time kiddy care. Things could be a lot worse.

Honestly speaking though, the summer holidays can be intense. There are times when I truly am out of resources, ideas and that mythical stuff called energy. I have secret tactics though. And they are lovely and life-affirming. Oh yes. My secret tactics totally rock.

And the best thing about these secret tactics is that if you are a parent, you probably do them anyway, without even knowing. But if you can become more aware of them, and practice them regularly, then things really do start to change.

Live In The Moment
You've seen your toddler do it. The total concentration on a snail's slimy movements or the unwavering dedication to the pages of their favourite storybook. Even the screaming meltdown in the sweetie aisle at a supermarket. Toddlers are experts at living in the now. So sometimes I get to it. I could be breathing in the sweet, just-washed scent of Little Tot's hair (even if he's whinging for his supper) or suddenly be in awe of the soft, reassuring grip of Big Tot's hand in mine as we cross a road. I have even mastered mindful nappy-changing. Oh yes. By being so committed to Little Tot and his gorgeous, dimpled bottom no other part of it bothers me. Living in the moment happily discards anything else that might be bothering you.

This too, will pass
I don't know who first coined this phrase, but when I first heard it, and related it to being a parent, it rocked my world. Sometimes it's a beautifully encouraging phrase. My child will stop being such a fussy eater one day. Soon my child will have have their hair washed without sobbing. But it can have a ring of sadness to it too. Perhaps one day my child won't want morning kisses. What if my child decides she doesn't want storytime before bed? But for me, just knowing, without a shadow of a doubt that 'this too, will pass' helps me to focus on the now, indulge in it, be grateful for it and embrace the ever-changing nature of this life we live. And here's hoping the Tots pick that up too.

Sit and smile
I'm loving this one. I read about it in Elizabeth Gilbert's 'Eat Pray Love' where she zips off to Bali, anticipating some mysterious lessons in meditation and actually just gets told to 'sit and smile'. You do run the risk of appearing to be a loon, mind you. As I well know. I have been known to sit and smile whilst Big Tot is having a meltdown on a naughty spot I have created in a supermarket. Or sitting and smiling whilst rocking a screaming Little Tot's buggy in a busy shopping centre. The possibilities are endless and the outcome is that you usually feel at least a teensy bit calmer, or at least able to find a funny side. Can't be bad, can it?

So there's three of my secret tactics. Why not go for a cocktail of them all? It's the only kind of cocktail I seem to be able to get my hands on these days. And I have to admit the high I've got from practicing these beats any Raspberry Mojito anyway.

So, with all of that in mind, I will press on through these summer holidays no matter how many days I may ultimately be faced with. The local Education Authority can breathe easy for now as I shall not be making that complaint after all. Not this year, anyway.

Go well,

Abi

Visit my site to find The Cool Rule Book - a tip top way to celebrate all that is cool with your toddler as well as getting to grips with discipline: www.thecoolrulecompany.co.uk

For more on 'living in the now', try 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle, available on Amazon
For more of 'this too, will pass', try 'The Illuminated Rumi' by Jalal Al-Din Rumi, available on Amazon
For more of 'sitting and smiling', try 'Eat, Pray Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert, available on Amazon

Leap of Faith

Ask me what I did last week. Go on, ask me.

Well, by my standards (and please consider at what level these might be) I did something overwhelmingly exhilarating. It involved a dip into the good old overdraft. It involved my reluctant hubby. And it involved an athletic leap of faith.

Over the past month or two I have been spending a large amount of time on the internet, a.) looking for tickets to see Derren Brown's latest show, 'Svengali' and b.) kicking myself that I did not know about the show before it bloody well sold out. Clearly I am not the number one fan I thought I was.

And if psychological illusions aren't really your thing you might not even know who Derren Brown is. Or maybe you do and you don't think much of him. Well I do think much of him. And I think the stuff he gets up to is mind-twistingly beguiling. In fact, I can often be found of an evening (my laptop pulsing in the corner with work that really should be getting done now the Tots are in bed) glued to the telly where I've come across a channel which is thoughtfully repeating a Derren Brown programme.

So why the flip didn't I know he had a show coming up? The prices of tickets on eBay were clearly surpassing my (imaginary) budget so the chance of a night out was not looking good. No babysitter. No money. No tickets.

However, being a massive believer that positive thoughts attract positive things, and having an amateur but irrevocably enthusiastic interest in Derren's very own mind tricks, I decided to give it a go. I focused my mind. I pictured the scene. Tickets in my hand. Drinks before the show. The awesome curiousity I feel as he performs. And, to hell with it, these are only thoughts after all, what I say as I meet him backstage.

Tickets. Drinks. Awe. Backstage. Tickets. Drinks. Awe. Backstage.

And it only went and bloody well happened. Thanks to a gorgeous daughter of a friend who babysat the Tots, and thanks to a hard-working hubby who was doubtful of my visualisation techniques, it only went and bloody well happened.

The show was marvellous. I mean really marvellous. Derren did request at the beginning that nobody tell anybody else the content of the show. That we should keep it a secret so as not to spoil it for anyone else who might be attending. This was a clever trick in itself. It made us feel special. Part of a secret club. It drew us together as an audience and gave us a special bond with Derren. What a clever man. That, my friends, is how you get an audience on your side.

So no juicy details about the show. But I will tell you that hanging around the stage door afterwards had its rewards. And the drizzle was a blessing in disguise as we got pulled indoors a few people at a time to see the man himself. I got into a little chat with him about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and was also tempted to ask him to recommend a few techniques to mind-warp and thus calm an unruly four-year-old, or hypnotise a baby into sleeping through the night. But I bit my tongue. Maybe that's a conversation for the next time.

A few days later when I was flicking through my uber-glossy 'Svengali' programme, I came across a DB quote that resonated with me. And the resonation had nothing to do with psychological illusions or mind trickery. It had to do with parenting. Of course it did. That's what I do now. And here it is:

"I am often dishonest in my techniques but I'm always honest about my dishonesty."

Parents. You know what I mean.

Have fun. Go well.

Abi

Like A Baby

Well, the birthday came and went, as birthdays do, and I am entering the realm of the mid 30s with what I am describing as a mindful acceptance. I'm doing everything mindfully these days, on account of the five-week mindfulness course I've just completed in - of all the places in the world - Consett Industrial Estate.

Actually, it was a marvellous experience teaching me about being in the present moment and developing a more conscious connection with the body. The idea being that if you're focusing on your breath or your posture or the spot on the end of your nose then you're more able to deal with whatever the present moment is throwing at you.

I've dabbled in the whole meditation game before, but I must admit I lost the philosophies somewhere between squeezing two babies out and taking on the mammoth roles of housewife / mum / general superhuman being. So now I can safely say I've reclaimed it. Thanks to a gentle but firm reintroduction, I've rediscovered that by taking care of what's going on right now, I am able to move boldly into the future with compassion, humour and love.

Can't be bad, can it? Even if my friends are tapping their feet as I speak unusually slowly. Even if my husband is wondering why I keep disappearing so I can squeeze a meditation in between sterilising bottles and cooking dinner. The little ones are certainly enjoying it. What with bubble-blowing at bathtime, yoga on the living room rug and proper, from-the-tummy laughter, they've definitely got the best part of the deal.

Maybe this new approach to life is why today's morning business meeting took a grand total of three and a half hours. And why it entailed back-to-back cups of tea and an oil burner on the go. Or maybe it was because it was with possibly the most pleasant graphic designer I've ever met who agreed to come to my house so I didn't have to find a babysitter.

Carrie is her name and she's designing me a logo for my new business. What fun we had. In between (mindfully) changing nappies and using CBeebies iPlayer to within an inch of its life, we whipped up a multitude of possibilities to pitch to mums and dads and pretty much anyone who'd give an honest opinion.

At times the entertaining of the children got a little intense and I'm hoping Carrie understands that I don't usually plant my 10-month old in his highchair with pizza and chips and Tommy & Jerry on widescreen . . . only on the most important of business occasions.

So watch this space. The logo will be revealed in a matter of weeks for all to enjoy. But, please, don't look forward to it too much. Look at what's happening now and like a baby be mindful of each moment. Chew your chips. Swing your legs. Laugh at cartoons.

Until then, go well.

Abi

You can find Carrie's graphic design work at www.pressfordesign.co.uk
The Mindfulness people are www.livingmindfully.co.uk