Poor Big Tot. He loves his weekends, chiefly (although he may not always admit it) because he gets long stretches of mummy time uninterrupted by inconvenient events like school. But if I haven't been very on-task during the week, then he has to share me with the demands of the house when it comes to Sunday.
My failure to fulfill all my tasks this week has been down to the detox to end all detoxes. Eating 'clean' as my nutrition guru, Helen McCrea calls it, commands immense skills in organisation and planning. Whipping up a veggie soup here, defrosting a fish there . . . and bearing in mind that the Tots and the hubby refuse to eat my detox food, I have, at times, had to create three separate meals three times a day. Madness.
So Big Tot has followed me round the house all day (Little Tot is happy dissecting Buzz Lightyear and sucking felt tips) asking me questions and forcing me to face unfavourable topics of discussion. Let me give you an example:
Big Tot: Will you be forty one day?
Me: Yes sweetheart, I will.
Big Tot: What will happen?
Big Tot: I asked . . . What.Will. Happen?!
Me: (sigh) Nothing will happen. I'll just be forty.
Big Tot: I'll tell you what will happen. You will need help with everything.
Me: Will I?
Big Tot: Yes, because everything will be too hard for you.
Me: Just because I'm forty?
Big Tot: Yes. Forty is very, very old.
Me: What kind of help will I need?
Big Tot: You'll need help with everything. Washing the dishes, getting your pyjamas on, doing your hair, driving the car . . .
Me: Oh. I didn't realise being forty was going to be so hard.
Big Tot: Yes it will be. Do you know why? Because it's very oooold.
And bearing in mind that I turn thirty-five in a couple of weeks, the extreme oldness which Big Tot so eloquently describes is closing in fast. So what can I do about it?
Well, as far as I'm aware, some of the best foods for anti-aging are: berries, salmon, kale, spinach, avacado, green tea, coconut oil, almonds, tomatoes, garlic . . . now stop me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that sounds suspiciously like a detox?
|Breakfast: Eggs, cucumber, tomato & olives, Lunch: Mackerel, homemade houmus, mushrooms, salad & boiled egg, Dinner: Brown rice, charred aubergine slices & Menemen (Turkish egg dish)|
Does that mean I'm on the right track then? If I continue to eat well, do you think I'll be able to do my own hair when I'm forty? I hope so. I don't fancy giving Big Tot free reign with the hairspray.
Luckily, once this 10-day Body Boost programme is finished, Helen will be giving us ladies a maintenance plan to send us off into non-detox land safely and happily. She's even started to advise on the 'cleanest' alcoholic drinks if we feel we must indulge. Champagne was top of the list. So guess what I'll be doing on my thirty-fifth birthday?
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Find out all about Helen's fab detox plans and fitness schemes at www.femalefitness.co